1) Go to pre-marital counseling.
But don't just go-- you need to tell the counselor, pastor, therapist what ALL of your problems are. Whether it's family problems, he's verbally abusive, she's controlling, those things need to be brought up so you both have the tools you need to fix them, or at least deal with them. And he or she will let you know if those problem are fixable at all. Because you don't want to be in a marriage that is going to fail.
2) Forgive and Forget
This one is very hard, especially for me. When Josh does something mean, or gets mad at me for what I think is no reason, I tend to hold a grudge. That leads to a huge fight where we're yelling at each other and nobody sleeps. When he or she says "I'm sorry" (unless there are extenuating circumstances), you should be quick to forgive, and NOT bring it up in the next fight. Like I said, I still have a hard time with this, but I am really working on it because I truly care about Josh and our marriage.
3) Trust Each Other
If there is no trust in a marriage, it is going to fail. So if you are the trustee, you need to make sure your spouse can trust you. Be completely honest, talk about your day at work, and don't give him or her a reason to be suspicious of anything. If you are the one that's trusting, make sure you give them the benefit of the doubt sometimes. One time, Josh didn't text me back for two hours. I was furious because I knew he had his phone with him. I kept calling and texting, because I thought maybe he was doing something he wasn't supposed to. Well, he did eventually call me back. He had been asleep and his phone was on silent. I have never had a reason to not trust him, so I said sorry for being so crazy, and he apologized for not answering. The only time that trust is broken, and most likely will not repair a marriage or relationship, is when there is infidelity. And in that case, you need to see a couples therapist.
4) Be Selfless
This one is hard for me as well. Not because I don't want to be selfless, but apparently I don't make a conscious effort to please Josh. If I turn on the TV, and from default, I watch a show that I want to watch automatically, and usually binge watch it. Meanwhile, Josh is bored and finally says something. It's something that I need to work on, because my default is selfish. So I remember to ask Josh what show he wants to watch, or be sure I find an interest in what he likes.
5) Please and Be Pleased
Men love to be pleased, in many ways. Women need to know that and give them their needs. But what women also don't know is that men like to please as well, in more ways than one. Make sure that you both please each other and let them please you. It fulfills everyone's needs.
6) Never Go to Bed Angry
This can go back to my example earlier of how Josh and I had some sleepless nights. In all honesty, don't let it get that far. Apologize, forgive, and forget, and don't forget to kiss each other good night.
-Audriana
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