Mom Rant #2–Motherhood Loneliness

I’m putting away the dishes and see Kiara in the corner of my eye trying to climb into the dishwasher.

“Kiara!” I grab her and put her into the playpen. She begins to cry, of course.

I turn around and Rafael is opening the markers and about to color on the wall.

“No, Rafael! Only on paper!”

I grab them in the nick of time. He runs into the living room to find something else to get into.

It’s times like these when I close my eyes, and try to stay calm. I hear Kiara crying and Rafael making some banging noise in the living room.

It’s like, for some reason, I can’t handle it. Those two extremely small things make me go crazy on the inside.

But it’s because it’s not just those two things. It’s that on top of my to-do list for the day, work thoughts, problems in my personal life, and I feel drained.

I feel like I have no one to help me, and no one to talk to.

Any other moms feel like this?

I finish what I’m doing and decide to just take the time to play with the kids. I take Kiara out of the playpen and all three of us sit down playing with toys in the living room.

But my mind is not on the toys. I’m too distracted.

I struggle with anxiety, and I am not scared to say that. It doesn’t make me feel weak, it makes me feel like an actual human with flaws.

But sometimes my anxiety makes me spiral, as Josh says.

I start thinking too much into things. I start thinking about all the negatives in my life instead of the positives. But the core of it all is that I’m just lonely.

I’ve got the dreaded Motherhood Loneliness.

It happens to all of us moms. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it is something to tell people. Tell people how you feel.

I know more than anything that God is always on my side and is always going to be there for me, no matter what. Even if everyone else has left you, He is always there. That’s the sweetest reminder that I could ever have, and that’s the reminder I leave with you.

I cry myself to sleep because I’ve just had it. But God whispers in my ear, “I’m always here.” I give a little smile through my tears, kiss my babies, and finally fall asleep. Because I know that even when this mom life gets lonely, I have someone to help me through it.

Until next time!

-Audriana

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